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99 Ways to Make a Flight Attendant Fly--Off the Handle!

MERIT WINNER IN THE MIDWEST BOOK AWARDS & FINALIST IN FOREWORD MAGAZINE'S BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD!

 

Never again will you experience that perfected flight attendant eye-roll when following this first guidebook to the etiquette of air travel. Whether you are a frequent or novice flyer, you will be educated and entertained by JoAnn Deveny's insider's narration of airline tales and humor. 

99 Ways is a perfect gift idea for the "stew"in your life or your favorite oblivious frequent flyer!


REVIEWS


Tales from the passenger cabin are a must-read!

--Neil St. Anthony, Columnist, Minneapolis StarTribune--


Whether you fly once a year or 60,000 as I do, you'll enjoy Deveny's 99 Ways Book! The suggestions and vignetttes kept me laughing from the beginning to the end. This is the perfect gift for the traveler in your life!

--Andrea Sisco, Armchair Interviews Host--


I highly recommend this must-read book for anyone who has ever or will travel by air. It's insightful, funny, and filled with information that gives you the inside scoop about air travel from a different perspective!

--Desi Williiamson, CSP, Speaker, frequent flyer, author of Get Off Your Assets!--


SAMPLE PAGES

#35 Tell a Flight Attendant to Smile

Because passengers never say this to male FAs, their purpose in this statement must not be to cheer us up. Though I guess having a flight attendant mimic a Barbie doll for their personal pleasure might make them chuckle a bit. One day I told a silly man who said this to me that he should smile for the duration of the flight, and I would come back to monitor his grin every five minutes.

Come on, give us a break. Flight attendants are never without an audience—we’d have to put Vaseline on our teeth to accomplish a 12-hour smile. FYI—When you observe that vacant, hardened gaze in your FA’s eyes and a slight frozen smirk upon her lips, she is not smiling at you. Your flight attendant is not with us anymore. She has escaped to her “happy place,” the only defense against her breaking point of no return. It may be best to leave her alone for a while.


#85 Ring Your Call Button Often

So you’re hooked on that powerful sensation of pushing a button with a picture of a slave on it and having one come running? You’ll merely need your cup picked up, and I’ll be expecting to administer first aid. Pavlov’s dog couldn’t have been more conditioned to his buzzers than an FA is to the call chimes on an airplane. Even at home, we automatically glance at the ceiling when the doorbell rings. And not one flight attendant would miss a morning flight or hit that sleep button if our alarm clocks mimicked a passenger call bell. Our training goes something like this: One ring means a passenger call or a seat belt sign has been turned on or off; two rings, crew member call; three rings, communicate immediately with the cockpit; and so on. Don’t mess with an FA’s communication system unless you have an important concern. And never ring your call button while we are taxiing, landing, or in our climb unless you are prepared to have CPR performed on you—which we prefer to do on unconscious victims. When passengers ring their call button to have a cup picked up in severe turbulence, their primary intention must be to watch a flight attendant hit the ceiling of an airplane. So, please, think of another way to entertain Junior than allowing him to play with the pretty, colorful buttons above his head.